Some of my Recent Thoughts

So I have been doing some thinking lately, and some of it expressed itself in the form of writing. Check it out:

What I Have Always Longed For

Tonight my heart has been pierced yet again with the realization of what I really want here in this life. I just want to be known and loved, accepted, to the core of who I am. All other languishing things may fall away for all I care; for it is this one thing that I truly want more than anything else in the world. I would give my life for it. It is the very simple base from which all of the other manifestations of my personality spring. All can be traced back to this one simple desire. It’s what I seek, the object of my desire, and were I to lose hope that it exists, I could find no reason to continue being.
I believe that most of what we humans spend our time doing is creating substitutes for this unmet desire. For most of us, the discovery comes rather quickly in life that this desire for tangible, unconditional, and undying love is something rather silly, a conclusion reached after our hearts have been broken amidst failed relationships, after we’ve been made to feel unloved by parents from whom we so desperately desired that sincere gaze of absolute binding affection but failed to receive it, after discovering that love only comes to the already lovable, to the beautiful, to those who can demonstrate that they are worthy of another’s love. Even these lucky few eventually discover the rather broken nature of love, the fact that what love they do have is only but a mirror of what could be. For those of us who don’t feel as if we have anything to offer, who don’t feel like we’ll ever be beautiful enough to merit this sort of love, well, its as if we’ve found ourselves in the scheme of a rather grand joke. So we set about inventing substitutes, whatever will distract us from the fact that this unmet desire lingers in the recesses of our thoughts and hearts. We occupy our time by making vacuous attempts to prove that we have some sort of worth, that we are somehow special, worthy of respect, worthy of love. Our ideas about love become rather obscured, and we find ourselves manipulating our environment to whatever degree necessary in order to make ourselves feel something, however far from love that something may be. All of it demonstrates our craving, our thirst for the real thing.
This is the point at which I believe that the Diving Human steps into the picture. At the dawn of time, He set to creating a people that could be the object of this sort of love, a people that could fully know Him and enjoy Him and love Him and who could be known and cherished and loved by Him in return, a people who could delight in the full height of His Glory, who could participate in the laughter of the Trinity. And were these humans ever to catch on to what would unfold before their very eyes, they might discover something of the nature of this unimaginably perfect love story. The incomplete and broken pictures of love left strewn about the Universe would be understood as evidence of a Divine love utterly different and distinct from anything humanly imaginable. There would be one magnificent demonstration of such a love, the sort that fairytales have always chased after but never completely captured. Elohim himself would descend into the created realm and would walk amongst those with whom he desired to “BE.”
After a life of investing himself in the un-beautiful, in the fringes of society, in those without any perceived worth, he would commence with his Act of Love. He would look deep into the eyes of each of his people, penetrating to the recesses of their thoughts, to that place where no other human can ever go, and he would say, “My sweet, it is said that you are a whore. You find yourself wanting real, genuine love, yet you demonstrate that you hardly believe it exists by your selling yourself to anything that pays, however little. And where there is no payment, you give of yourself freely. But I want you to know, yes I want you to believe, that I have peered into the core of who you are, and I love you simply and purely. I have seen that you are a whore, but I want to be with you for all time, loving you even after time has stopped. I want you to see who I am, and I want to know the real you. My Father, the author of this love which I offer you, is utter perfection and completely other. His desire to love you and know you is equal to mine (as we are one and the same), but you have mocked Him by selling yourself for a cheaper version of the real thing; this cannot go un-dealt with. But my sweet, I long to be with you and love you to such a degree that I will take your dirty rags, and I’ll be the whore in your place. They will mock me instead of you my love. I will become the whore for you, and on my back I will bear all of your shame. Then I will be able to present you, white as snow, redeemed, without blemish, no longer the whore, to the author of this perfect love, to the author of beauty, to the creator of all things. The fairytales you’ve read of perfect love that lives on for all eternity will seem suddenly vacuous and frivolous in the wake of this introduction. From that point onward, to the degree that you can handle it, I will show you more and more of myself, and you will be perfectly known and loved by me. Hear and see who I am, that we might be united all the more quickly my sweet! Tarry no more!”
“My love, I want you to know that I am not, nor will I ever be a list of propositions to be believed. Rather, I am a full-orbed personality to be encountered. To be sure, you will read my letters, my words, and discover true things that need to be said of me. Say them, claim them, and tell people about me! But say them in such a way that creates the desire to meet me, to encounter me, in the heart of the listener. For far too long I have been saddened because human beings have tried to cast me as a kind of system, the kind into which a person can insert himself and feel more sure about himself, better about himself. I have watched people claim my name to achieve their own ends, to make others feel as if they didn’t fit a certain mold, to win political office, to cast themselves as the rather religious sort, even to achieve military ends. I have seen people killed under the guise of my name, as if it were my goal to rid the earth of every person who was a little ‘different.’ In fact, I love diversity, for I created it!! I’ve looked into the church and found people talking about something distinct from myself, rather much more like a code than a person, a code that secures some within and locks others out, a system of prescribed morality. I’ve seen people use my name just like they use every other item in existence, as a tool with which to manipulate their surroundings and serve themselves. I’ve seen my church become a kind of consulting firm, one that instructs people about how to achieve their ‘best life now!’ These things have obscured who I am, and as a result, people have passed Me by. Make no mistake; my desire is to know you, and for you to know me. There are enough ‘systems’ in the world apart from me. The world does not need another one of these. I have designated things as ‘sin’ not because I get some sort of sick pleasure out of assigning random rules, but because what I desire is a pure relationship between the two of us! I have ordered things in such a way that things that are inherently ‘good’ point to me and are to be enjoyed as a sign of who I am and the deep love I have for you. ‘Sin’ is the word that I have designated, and has since become obscured, for those actions that illustrate that you have tried to extract love from some other failed source, that you have cheated on me. ‘There is a difference between breaking a rule, and cheating on a lover!’ I am the lover! Taste and see that I am good!! I offer the sort of love that will change your heart. In fact, I’ll give you a new one, the kind that makes sin taste sour because it is love feigned! Read my letters, and discover who I am. There, I offer myself to you. Deny your name, and be with me until the end of time, even after time has stopped.”