Paris!

This week has been well spent in the capital of culture: Paris, France. I met a few of my friends early Wednesday morning at a small apartment in a beautiful section of the city near the Senate. It was a wonderful small village atmosphere tucked away in the vastness of Paris. Mornings were occupied with small bakeries, croissants, and coffee. By night we would wander around, layered and bundled, trying to decide which little café we should choose in order to dine for the evening. I will say it was difficult to make a bad choice when it came to food.
When we weren’t eating, we were off exploring some cultural monument, artistic exposition, or just simply enjoying the beauty that is Paris. The first day we visited the Louvre, which is more like a city of art, than a museum, complete with frescos, paintings, sculptures, and of course, the famous “Mona Lisa.” It is something to behold this fortress turned castle turned museum, in all its immensity. After the museum, we went about in a double decker bus, taking in the main sights, disembarking to see the important ones. The first stop on the bus was the Notre Dame Cathedral, and the thing that is most impressive about it is the stained glass. Here you will find some of the most beautiful stained glass windows on the planet, and at the particular time of the afternoon in which we visited, the glass was almost glowing as I soaked it in. The rest of the afternoon was spent riding around a bit more, just sort of looking about, open-mouthed and in awe.
Wednesday night was the only night that we elected to go to a larger restaurant, and it was one of the neatest places I have ever eaten in my life. It was a rather fancy place, called Buddha Bar. It wasn’t very impressive from the outside, but as soon as I entered, I felt like I had entered another world. It had the ambiance of a dimly lit temple, a two level room with a balcony surrounding and overlooking the lower floor. The walls were covered with rich burgundy colored fabric and golden light fixtures that emitted just enough warm lighting to allow us to make our way to our table. The music was something oriental mixed with pulsating techno, the sort of music that lulls you into a kind of trance. It had all the marks of a Buddhist temple turned chic restaurant. The food? Sublime. Some of the most interesting and tasty sushi I have ever eaten.
That night we were all fairly tired, so we retired early, just enjoying each other’s company until we all went to sleep. The next day, we went to Euro Disney! It is a bit strange that we spent some of our time in Paris at Eurodisney, but it was a free trip, so I went along with it! That night we were fairly exhausted, but we found a nice little café and enjoyed some wonderful food in a small cozy environment.
The next day we spent most of our time in the Musée d’Orsay, which I absolutely loved because they have one of the largest and most complete collections of the impressionists (Manet, Monet, Cezanne, Sisley, Picasso(neo-impressionist), etc.). It was absolutely amazing to be able to see these famous works of art face to face. That night was wonderful as well, because, after we rode the giant Farris Wheel, we took a river cruise which pointed out all of the best sights in Paris as well as described each of the bridges in detail. Paris in the night is truly something to behold. There were also a couple of annoying germans who were being rather loud, but I silenced them when I stuck my camera and flash in their faces and snapped a pic. It was pretty grand, as well as funny.
My last full day in Paris was spent ambling around, trying to absorb all that surrounded me. We walked from where we were staying to the Eiffel Tower, where we took a few pictures. We played on a Teeter-totter next to the river Seine. It was an enjoyable and relaxing day of exploration. We finished the night with a wine tasting event, where we tasted 7 different wines, all of French origin. It was interesting, and our “Sommelier” was extremely informative, but also laid back.
I didn’t sleep much that night because I had to wake up at 3 in the morning for my two hour hike across Paris in order to catch a bus to the airport at 5:20 in the morning. But it gave me time to walk up the Champs de Elysées one more time and think about how much I had enjoyed my time in Paris. All in all, a rather wonderful and enchanting trip!

Sarah, Blair, and Jo- my Paris friends!
The Eiffel Tower!

For Erin!

During many recent conversations, it has become rather apparent to me that we all have developed some sort of working philosophy through which we deal with the surrounding world. This philosophy extends from the most basic daily needs, those of food and sleep etc., to the realm of theology. It’s glaringly apparent to me that, whether formally recognized or not, we have all elected a sort of scheme.
Most of the time, I don’t think we bother to ask whether or not is a very good scheme. We shrug our shoulders to new ideas, well assured that ours have accounted for everything. We’ve somehow made sense out of the inconsistencies and irregularities; an occasional anomaly never gives rise to second thought. But our philosophies, the ones by which we live rather than the ones which we espouse, are bad not because they can’t account for everything. That, I’m sure, they have assuredly accomplished by some skewed method. They’re bad because they aren’t rooted in anything save self, all the time acting like a rather inefficient vice grip whose aim is to extract some small amount of self-gratification.
We then find ourselves rooted in a nonsensical game, becoming indentured servants to the first philosophy that grants us some faded pleasure. We are like men who set up camp beneath a slow fruitless trickle, all the while failing to explore and discover a nearby abounding river. The sad trail that follows is one of adaptation, a reorganization of the fragmented pieces of life to suit our certain failed scheme. It is only a matter of time before the parts of our lives become institutionalized, regulated, scheduled, and bound moors of our badly chosen philosophies. Should it occur to us in our occasional misery, when Time slows and our clenched eyes open, that we might have failed to conduct an adequate search, or that somehow our search was tainted? Why, of course not. For we are all philosophers of the highest caliber.
Luckily, the Great Philosopher is also Redeemer, Lover.

SHEPHERDS
Clinging like sheep to the earth for protection,
We have not ventured far in any direction:
Wean, Child, our ageing flesh away
From its childish way.

WISE MEN
Love is more serious that Philosophy
Who sees no humour in her observation
That Truth is knowing that we know we lie.

SHEPHERDS
When, to escape what our memories are thinking,
We go out at nights and stay up drinking,
Stay then with our stick pride and mind
The forgetful mind.

WISE MEN
Love does not will enraptured apathy;
Fate plays the passive role of dumb temptation
To wills where love can doubt, affirm, deny.
.
.
.
TUTTI
O Living Love replacing phantasy,
O Joy of life revealed in Love’s creation;
Our mood of longing turns to indication:
Space is the whom our loves are needed by,
Time is our choice of How to love and Why.

From For the Time of Being: A Christmas Oratorio
-W.H. Auden

Some of my Recent Thoughts

So I have been doing some thinking lately, and some of it expressed itself in the form of writing. Check it out:

What I Have Always Longed For

Tonight my heart has been pierced yet again with the realization of what I really want here in this life. I just want to be known and loved, accepted, to the core of who I am. All other languishing things may fall away for all I care; for it is this one thing that I truly want more than anything else in the world. I would give my life for it. It is the very simple base from which all of the other manifestations of my personality spring. All can be traced back to this one simple desire. It’s what I seek, the object of my desire, and were I to lose hope that it exists, I could find no reason to continue being.
I believe that most of what we humans spend our time doing is creating substitutes for this unmet desire. For most of us, the discovery comes rather quickly in life that this desire for tangible, unconditional, and undying love is something rather silly, a conclusion reached after our hearts have been broken amidst failed relationships, after we’ve been made to feel unloved by parents from whom we so desperately desired that sincere gaze of absolute binding affection but failed to receive it, after discovering that love only comes to the already lovable, to the beautiful, to those who can demonstrate that they are worthy of another’s love. Even these lucky few eventually discover the rather broken nature of love, the fact that what love they do have is only but a mirror of what could be. For those of us who don’t feel as if we have anything to offer, who don’t feel like we’ll ever be beautiful enough to merit this sort of love, well, its as if we’ve found ourselves in the scheme of a rather grand joke. So we set about inventing substitutes, whatever will distract us from the fact that this unmet desire lingers in the recesses of our thoughts and hearts. We occupy our time by making vacuous attempts to prove that we have some sort of worth, that we are somehow special, worthy of respect, worthy of love. Our ideas about love become rather obscured, and we find ourselves manipulating our environment to whatever degree necessary in order to make ourselves feel something, however far from love that something may be. All of it demonstrates our craving, our thirst for the real thing.
This is the point at which I believe that the Diving Human steps into the picture. At the dawn of time, He set to creating a people that could be the object of this sort of love, a people that could fully know Him and enjoy Him and love Him and who could be known and cherished and loved by Him in return, a people who could delight in the full height of His Glory, who could participate in the laughter of the Trinity. And were these humans ever to catch on to what would unfold before their very eyes, they might discover something of the nature of this unimaginably perfect love story. The incomplete and broken pictures of love left strewn about the Universe would be understood as evidence of a Divine love utterly different and distinct from anything humanly imaginable. There would be one magnificent demonstration of such a love, the sort that fairytales have always chased after but never completely captured. Elohim himself would descend into the created realm and would walk amongst those with whom he desired to “BE.”
After a life of investing himself in the un-beautiful, in the fringes of society, in those without any perceived worth, he would commence with his Act of Love. He would look deep into the eyes of each of his people, penetrating to the recesses of their thoughts, to that place where no other human can ever go, and he would say, “My sweet, it is said that you are a whore. You find yourself wanting real, genuine love, yet you demonstrate that you hardly believe it exists by your selling yourself to anything that pays, however little. And where there is no payment, you give of yourself freely. But I want you to know, yes I want you to believe, that I have peered into the core of who you are, and I love you simply and purely. I have seen that you are a whore, but I want to be with you for all time, loving you even after time has stopped. I want you to see who I am, and I want to know the real you. My Father, the author of this love which I offer you, is utter perfection and completely other. His desire to love you and know you is equal to mine (as we are one and the same), but you have mocked Him by selling yourself for a cheaper version of the real thing; this cannot go un-dealt with. But my sweet, I long to be with you and love you to such a degree that I will take your dirty rags, and I’ll be the whore in your place. They will mock me instead of you my love. I will become the whore for you, and on my back I will bear all of your shame. Then I will be able to present you, white as snow, redeemed, without blemish, no longer the whore, to the author of this perfect love, to the author of beauty, to the creator of all things. The fairytales you’ve read of perfect love that lives on for all eternity will seem suddenly vacuous and frivolous in the wake of this introduction. From that point onward, to the degree that you can handle it, I will show you more and more of myself, and you will be perfectly known and loved by me. Hear and see who I am, that we might be united all the more quickly my sweet! Tarry no more!”
“My love, I want you to know that I am not, nor will I ever be a list of propositions to be believed. Rather, I am a full-orbed personality to be encountered. To be sure, you will read my letters, my words, and discover true things that need to be said of me. Say them, claim them, and tell people about me! But say them in such a way that creates the desire to meet me, to encounter me, in the heart of the listener. For far too long I have been saddened because human beings have tried to cast me as a kind of system, the kind into which a person can insert himself and feel more sure about himself, better about himself. I have watched people claim my name to achieve their own ends, to make others feel as if they didn’t fit a certain mold, to win political office, to cast themselves as the rather religious sort, even to achieve military ends. I have seen people killed under the guise of my name, as if it were my goal to rid the earth of every person who was a little ‘different.’ In fact, I love diversity, for I created it!! I’ve looked into the church and found people talking about something distinct from myself, rather much more like a code than a person, a code that secures some within and locks others out, a system of prescribed morality. I’ve seen people use my name just like they use every other item in existence, as a tool with which to manipulate their surroundings and serve themselves. I’ve seen my church become a kind of consulting firm, one that instructs people about how to achieve their ‘best life now!’ These things have obscured who I am, and as a result, people have passed Me by. Make no mistake; my desire is to know you, and for you to know me. There are enough ‘systems’ in the world apart from me. The world does not need another one of these. I have designated things as ‘sin’ not because I get some sort of sick pleasure out of assigning random rules, but because what I desire is a pure relationship between the two of us! I have ordered things in such a way that things that are inherently ‘good’ point to me and are to be enjoyed as a sign of who I am and the deep love I have for you. ‘Sin’ is the word that I have designated, and has since become obscured, for those actions that illustrate that you have tried to extract love from some other failed source, that you have cheated on me. ‘There is a difference between breaking a rule, and cheating on a lover!’ I am the lover! Taste and see that I am good!! I offer the sort of love that will change your heart. In fact, I’ll give you a new one, the kind that makes sin taste sour because it is love feigned! Read my letters, and discover who I am. There, I offer myself to you. Deny your name, and be with me until the end of time, even after time has stopped.”

Toledo and Segovia

So I haven't updated the blog in a while, and I thought that I would upload a few pictures from my trip to Toledo and from my trip to Segovia when Mom and Ellen came to visit. All is well here in Spain, especially after Mom and Ellen came to refresh me. It was a bit bittersweet, great to have them here, and difficult to see them go. I have told a few people that being here includes a mix of emotions: on the one hand, I am having the time of my life, enjoying every minute, soaking up all experiences, but on the other hand, I miss those who are dear to me. All that is to say, I have many exciting things planned for the coming months, and one of the best of them will be returning home! This past weekend I met my buddy Hannah and some of her friends in Barcelona, and it was a grand time. I didn't take many pics there, but hopefully I'll post what few I did take pretty soon.
Mom and I at the Café Continental during lunch with my spanish family!
Ellen and I in the Parque del Retiro
My mom's shot of the Aqueduct in Segovia!
The Cathedral of Toledo
Another shot of the Cathedral of Toledo
Toledo from up top!

London...again

Ok so here are a few pics from London the second time, which was actually better than the first! So here they are!

My favorite pic so far...right in the heart of London
Kinda wasn't ready for my camera to take this pic but was too embarassed to do it again!
London Bridge!
Buckingham Palace
Changing of the Guard at Buckingham
Beefeater!
Parlaiment...which i toured...which is one of the coolest things i've done so far!

Summary of What I am Up To!

Well, I am having the time of my life, except for the whole I have to go to class thing. I kinda don't like that part. I am in Spain, one of the most beautiful countries...and I am right next door to other amazing countries and places...and I am sitting in class!! That bothers me! But I suppose I am learning quite a bit, especially since my teachers don't speak any english. Neither does my "madre," the host mom that I am staying with. I live in a little flat not far from the center of town with a sixty two year old retired and divorced lady who is extremely sweet. We eat together (she's a great cook!), and she helps a great deal with my spanish, as she cannot speak any english either! Actually, last night we stayed up until about 2 AM talking about all kinds of things. She's sixty two, but don't let that fool you. Sometimes she stays out dancing with her friends until 4 AM, and when she does this, she's usually up the next morning by about 8. It's pretty insane, but she's great!

Moving on... Even though I dislike class, we only have class four days a week, so we are free to travel and check out other things on fridays as well as during the rest of the weekend. Bascially I go to class in the morning, come home to eat lunch(la comida), and return for class in the late afternoon. Some nights my friends and I sit in the plaza and chat, but some nights I catch up on rest/homework. But the weekends are another story. Here is basically a condensed version of my schedule...(you'll notice I am skipping the maximum amount of class possible): The first weekend I was here, we went to Madrid and checked out the city (all of which I still have yet to see). Three days of class, then I went to London (amazing!!). Three more days of class…then I went to Amsterdam….(we are in the present at this point, because I have only just returned from Holland this week!)….four days of class…London again!! Four more days of class…Toledo. Three days of class…my mom and ellen come!!! Four days of class…art trip to Museo del Prado….four days of class…trip to Granada….three days of class….trip to Northern Ireland to see my missionary friends!! (Dwight, erin, and john)….four days of class…two day trips to el escorial and Segovia….four days of class…another art museum trip….two says of class….paris for nearly a week where I am meeting some of my friends from California who will be on vacation there….four days of class….weekend in barcelona….three days of class…trip to north Africa…four days of class…study for exams…3 days of exams…come home!!!!!

So that's sort of the condensed version of what I am up to...somewhere in the midst of all of that I think I am learning some spanish. maybe...

A Few Pics from Amsterdam